How do you like to be loved?
Gary Chapman, in his book 'The Five Love Languages', suggests that there may be five different 'languages' of love: loving words; thoughtful gifts; kind and helpful actions; time together and loving touch. He has an idea that we each have 2-3 ways that we most like to be loved, and these are often quite different to our partner's favourite ways to be loved!
Often we love each in other in ways we like to be loved rather than in the ways our partner most likes to be loved! This is frustrating for both partners and not very useful - it's a bit like telling them 'I love you' in a language they have never learnt. You can say it as much as you like, but your partner won't hear that you love them!
Much more efficient to find out how your partner likes to be loved, and then love them in a way that makes them feel loved. John worked all hours to buy his wife an expensive house, but by the time he had enough money for the house she had already left him for someone who spent time with her...
Want to know your love language?
You can use the link below to discover your love language online.
Or you can make a list of twenty times when your partner did something that made you feel special and loved.
Then decide which of the following categories their actions fit into.
· Loving words - texts, spoken words, letters, messages, emails or cards, etc
· Thoughtful presents - a favourite newspaper, a mug of hot chocolate, a book, CD, etc
· Loving touch - hugs, kisses, massages, back pats, stroking and affectionate tickling, etc
· Helpful and kind actions – washing up, filling car with fuel, help making a meal, etc
· Time together - doing something you both enjoy
You will probably find that you have more actions listed under 2 of the categories. These are probably your love languages.
Now talk about what you have discovered:
- Tell your partner what you think your love languages are.
- Thank your partner for showing you their love in some of the ways that you have most enjoyed and appreciated.
- Ask your partner what you could do to help them feel even more loved.
- Do what helps your partner to feel loved even if it feels strange at first! It's like learning a language and you will soon feel more comfortable doing things your partner enjoys.
- When your partner shows you love in a way you really like, show your appreciation and they are more likely to do it again!
(c) Relations Unlimited