...try making a simple and polite request...
When we get into nagging and critical ways of talking with each other we can damage our relationship, hurt our partners and drain the positive feelings out of our relationship.
When you feel a nag coming on, try stopping yourself and step back. Transform your less-than-attractive nag into a much-more-attractive polite request.
Keep your voice warm and calm as you speak and avoid anything critical or blaming - just state what you need and why it's important to you, and how helping you will help them too.
Try it out a few times as an experiment and watch what happens...Are you more likely to get a positive response?
The SHIFT pattern for straightforward requests shifts your thinking and your behaviour and hopefully shifts your relationship in a happier direction.
SHIFT pattern for straightforward requests
In this Situation… (be specific, clear and non-blaming)
When this Happens… (be specific, clear and non-blaming)
I Feel This… (you may feel a mixture of emotions – angry, sad, disappointed, frustrated, etc)
Because… (explain this in a simple and non blaming way)
So it would really help me if you would… (be specific, clear and non-blaming)
So that I can do this for you…
- When I'm tidying up
- and I find a bag of dirty football kit on the floor/in the corner/under the bed...
- I feel frustrated
- because I want you to have a clean kit when you need it.
- So it would really help me if you would leave the bag by the washing machine/load the kit into the washing machine/etc.
- So I can have it clean and ready for your next game.